Still remembering and processing....

I was out with S, the boys, and Q running a few errands
at the local Ta*get after church this past Sunday.
Q and I were giving each other kisses minding our
own business while waiting for the guys to finish
their shopping.

Out of nowhere a lady came up to me and told me I
was so very lucky.  I replied that yes, indeed we were
the lucky ones to have her in our lives.  She told me
that if she could go back, she'd adopt.  She wouldn't
give up her biological children, but she would adopt.

Her comment and our friends who are in China right
now bringing home their children have stirred up
feelings that have been just beneath the surface.
Things that I haven't forgotten about since being
home.....we'll NEVER forget what we saw...the faces
of those children who, because of their differences in
outward appearance, will never have an opportunity
to live a normal life or have a family to call their own.
These feelings are ones that we're still processing.



We've also been told that we're doing a great thing..
saving her...I just don't see it that way....

We've always felt that we were the ones being
blessed by bringing Q into our lives/family.  I
never truly thought of us as 'saving' her.  She
is the one who is helping to do the saving. 
People see her and other children that have
been adopted from far away countries and
even here in our country.  They see that these
children are normal, mostly healthy individuals
that just needed one thing to make their lives
whole....a family to call their own. Yes, they
need medical attention of some kind...maybe
even surgeries.  These people then see us, the
adoptive parents and think if they can do it, why
not us?  They ask questions, visit with Q or
one of the now growing number of children in
our community that have been adopted and see
that they're just like any other child....then a seed
is planted. 

This road has not been an easy one for either
parent or child.  Q has had a lot of loss.  More than
we will ever comprehend.  She lost her
parents and then her foster parents and then
the orphanage staff...all in a short 2 yr period
of time.  Don't get me wrong, she's done amazingly
well...better than I could do .....
She cried on Gotcha Day...but then it seemed she
never looked back.  I don't know if it was a coping
mechanism or if God covered her with His peace.
She cried at night while in China...not sure if it
was then she had time to process things...the loss..
the fear of what was going on...

We've been home almost 10 months. She still wakes
up at night...has to have the light on at bedtime.
Has bad dreams....is she dreaming of
the things they had to do in the orphanage at
night to keep them in their cribs? Sometimes when
she's having one of those bad dreams, she looks
at me or S as if she doesn't know who we are.  Is
she dreaming of her foster mom whom she bonded
and loved for at least a year? Does she fear that one
night she'll wake up and we won't come because we
too are gone?  We have to be careful still to make sure
that at least one of us is close by when she
wakes up.  We tried once to let the boys
babysit one morning as S & I had meetings. 
Never again.  She woke up and both moma and baba
were gone. She cried.  Big brothers did the best they
could to comfort her, but it just wasn't the same. Healing
is a long term process....a lifetime process....we're in
it for the long haul.  My heart aches for her...the pain
loss and fear.  Thoughts of what she endured
brought me to tears then and they still do today...
they probably will for the rest of my life.

'Traveling' with our friends who are in China now
bringing home their children has brought it all
back for me.  The joy in finally meeting our
sweet pea, the sadness of seeing where she
spent part of her life, where she was left to
be found.  The soaking in as much of
her country & culture as we could so that we could
share with her one day.  I also think of her parents
in China.  I wonder if her mom has peace...or if she
ever thinks of her daughter at all.  I also think of her
foster mom. I so want her to have peace about Q's new life.
I was going thru some pics the other day from
the camera we sent in a care package.   The last
picture of Q and her foster mom together is one
of sadness.  It must have been one of the last
days together.  I didn't notice it before (in May
when we had the roll developed) as I was still in
the fog of re-entry after travel.  I was more
concerned for Q to see the pics and be
distraught. Now I see.  I see the love of
this mom towards a child she knows she won't
be able to keep.  A child that clearly loves her
or has at least bonded.  S and I are truly thankful
to these foster parents.  They gave our daughter
a stable life for at least a year.  They gave her food,
shelter and love.  I think because of their love and
care, she was ready to accept us.  I don't pass
judgement on her mom.  I've done a lot of reading
since being home about life in our daughter's
homeland.  Life for a woman is not easy. 

I'm brought back to those children we met in the
orphanage that day.  My heart still aches for them.
Wondering if the older ones have aged out and
if so, are they living on the streets with no hope
for love or a family to call their own.  I pray that
the culture changes...that these children aren't
seen as outcasts but functional members of
society...if only given a chance.  Our daughter
is super smart (just sayin). In her country, she
could have been a doctor or engineer or
teacher....or whatever she wanted to be.  I have
no doubt that many of those children that  we met
that day could have  been those things too and more,
but will never have the chance....unless someone
opens their heart and lives to the least of these.


As my friends prepare for their last week in country,
I pray for them and their continued bonding with
their children.  That the children will continue to
feel more comfortable each day with their new mama
and baba.  That He will diminish the pain of their
past, so that they can learn to trust and love again.

Where Has the Time Gone?!

It's been a few months since our last post....sorry bout that but
life happens.  :-)

We had a very good round of 'firsts' with our little peanut.
Unfortunately we didn't get to have our first Halloween as
a big snow storm hit that weekend and we were without
power for about 8 days.  So, this Fall, she'll be Yoda and
the boys will be other S*arwars characters to complete
the theme....unless she has other ideas. :-)
She LOVED her first Thanksgiving dinner.  The stuffing
and green bean casserole were her favorites.

Christmas brought grandparents that she met for the first
time.  I think she's got them wrapped around her finger now
as well. :-)  She met sa*ta and wasn't impressed.  I didn't get
pic of her and the big guy alone....it was our first family
photo...not what I had planned but it worked.   She did
great with the tree only rearranging a few ornaments.
She loved the gifts and had a blast opening them.

It's hard to believe we've been home 9 months.  She's come
so far in such a short period of time.  Attachment and bonding
continue to go well.  Sleeping alone is still an issue, but I
guess if that's the only issue, we'll take it.  Speech is improving
everyday.  She loves to ask 'why?' all the time and has
even been known to ask you 'what cha doing?' now and
then.  She loves to sing and dance.  She has a natural
rhythm and loves to play any instrument she can get her
hands on. :-)

She's had two surgeries since we've been home--one major
and one minor.  The minor one was yesterday.  She woke up
with a smile on her face (unlike her mom since we had to be
up by 5:15 a.m.).  She showed no fear the entire time we were
there...even as we walked into the O.R.  What a trooper.

In other news, our church participated in an ifeedone event this
past weekend. We packaged over 250,000 meals for children/families
in Kenya. The meals will be delivered to orphanages in Kenya.  That
part of Africa has been hit hard by a drought and these meals will
help provide much needed nourishment.  Initially we didn't think
we'd have enough volunteers to meet our goal.  On Sunday
morning, we were surprised to see our entire Fellowship Hall
FILLED with volunteers.  Most were not from our congregation.
We were blessed to have their support and and we were all filled
with joy as we worked side by side from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m.
I encourange you to check out their website
http://www.feedingchildreneverywhere.com/ for more info and get your
community involved.

Well, that's about all that's been going on here lately.
We have two families from our church traveling to
China next week to meet and bring home their
children.  We're so excited for them and pray for
safe travel and health during their stay.  We also
pray that He will provide these children peace and
comfort as they make the transition to their new
families. 

Enjoy the pics!  God bless!

J, D, and friend J.  J played Joseph this year.  D really had a good time,
even though his facial expression says 'knock it off, Mom'. :-)

                                                                                                        

Grandpa G with Q.

Yeah..Q is not impressed with the guy in the big red suit.

Grandma & Grandpa G at the Children's Christmas Eve service.

Christmas morning, waiting at the top of the stairs for the all

clear to come down.

Q showing us that she's a quick learner at opening gifts.

J, D & friend J at the ifeedone event

Q coloring her box.  It was a very small dot. :-)

Q with S.  They became fast friends.  S will be getting a

new brother from China soon.  She's very excited. :-)

Fall Fun

Fall is my favorite time of year in New England!  The leaves
are beautiful shades of yellow, orange, red and brown.  The air
is crisp and the sky clear.  

Today, we decided to take a trip to one of the local apple orchards.
It would be Q's first time apple picking.

She loved the fact that she could have her own bag to collect
her apples.  She even got to ride in the wagon (yes, I know
there is a 'no riding'  notice painted in the bottom of the
wagon). :-)  But even Q gets heavy and you've got to
admit she's pretty darn cute.

Our trip wouldn't be complete without a stroll through
the pumpkin patch.  A few of them were bigger than Q!

Enjoy the pics.  Tomorrow, fresh apple pie.

Friendship

Yesterday we enjoyed an afternoon with friends. Just a few pics from the time together.

These boys have known each other since they were babies and toddlers.

Brothers and sister. :-)

Our oldest holding our youngest.  Where has the time gone?!

 

4 Months Today

Today marks 4 months home for our sweet Q.  The time has flown
by very quickly!! 

She's doing amazingly well.  She's talking so much...even though some
of it sounds like a combo Chinese babble and English. :-)

She's had one surgery for her cleft palate.  The healing is questionable
as a few holes have developed over the past month and a half.  We will
see her surgeon next week to see how we will handle them.  The holes are
not causing her any pain.  We just want to make sure they won't interfere
with her speech therapy, which begins next month.

They boys are doing great with her.  She loves to follow them around to
see what they're doing.  I imagine one day, she'll report back to me as to
what they are up to. :-)

She and Jake are best buds now. :-) 

Sleep is even getting better.....thank you Lord!!  Just the other day I woke
up in MY bed and didn't know where I was. :-)  It took me a minute to
realize that she had slept the entire night in her room...by herself!

She loves all things boy except for one special thing....having her
toenails painted. :-) She squeals with delight...yes squeals...when I
bring out the box with the polish. At least we have one thing to bond over. :-)

She continues to amaze us each day with the things she learns and
how she fits perfectly into our family.  Q, we thank God for
allowing us the opportunity to be your Mama and Baba!

She loves being at the track.  Watching her brothers race and being part of the pit crew.

A few more years before she can climb into a kart to race....I have a feeling she already knows what to do! :-)

She came downstairs one evening dressed like this. :-) 

Today was the last day of VBS.  Whew, we're all wiped but
fun was had by all!  I'm blessed to be part of such a wonderful
church family that comes together to help out with VBS and
share their love of Christ with the children of our community!

The boys did a great job as the snack helpers.  Lots of hungry
kids to serve. :-)

Q helped out (when she could) but mainly stuck to my
hip---literally. She did venture out with a few of my friends
towards the end of each day, esp when music was playing. 
We were told with her initial paperwork that she loved music
and it's totally true.  She dances and claps her hands on Sunday
mornings during worship and this week was no different. :-)

Today during the closing part of the program a song was
sung by the preschoolers and it involved using sign language.
The song was titled 'He Knows My Name'.  As the song
was playing, she was signing (mind you at a two year old
level, but it was signing to her).  This mom lost it.  Tears of
joy!  This little girl knows the love of Jesus.  I truly believe
it.  She prays with us at meals and says 'Amen'.  When we
pray at bedtime, she's ready with eyes closed and hands
folded.  The song reminded me once again that He knew her long
before we ever contemplated adoption and was watching
over her until we could bring her home.  Okay, need to stop
before the waterworks begin again. :-)

Thank you Jesus for watching over Q and giving her peace
about her new family and life!  Thank you as well for the
blessings of J & D in our lives!

Post-Op Update

It's been a little over two weeks since Q's palate surgery and she's doing great! 
She had her first post op visit to the surgeon this past Thursday and he's
pleased so far with her recovery.  She's still got 4 more weeks of
soft foods.  Most of the swelling is gone, except for the tiny bit
around the top lip/gum area.  It's still pretty sensitive.  Interestingly,
she has more food coming out of her nose now than before surgery. The
doctor thinks it's just the small holes that are in the front gum area
and they will close eventually. 

In the past week, she's been feeling more like herself.  She's starting
to babble and sing more.  She's even feeling up to playing with her
toys.  Sleep has taken a few steps backwards as far as needing mommy,
but this was expected.

We're thankful for the prayers for safe surgery and speedy recovery.
She still has more surgery in her future, but at least we've got a few years
to forget this one. :-)

A couple of pics of before and after surgery.

Her last meal before surgery...she LOVES tortilla chips and salsa.

About two hours after surgery. 

 Two days post op...really mom, do you have to take my picture?! :-)